Practicing small kindnesses

I haven’t been very good at formally tracking my experience with the 8 positivity traits I wrote about last week–I intended to do that daily. Nonetheless, I’ve found I notice things I don’t think I would have noticed before. For example, on Mother’s Day, I was making a pass through the grocery store and overheard a fragment of a conversation between a young mom and her grade-school-age son.  She was telling him that she would take her mom out for a pedicure, and he asked what his grandma was doing for her on Mother’s Day. There was a pause, during which I could see some wheels turning, and she said, “It’s not up to her to do something for me–she’s not my mother.” His response was classic. Slightly aggrieved, slightly surly, he said, “Maybe if I had an allowance I could buy you something for Mother’s Day.”

At that point our paths through the store diverged, but I could see that this was not a new topic for them–I’m sure most parents can relate. But I started thinking about the kinds of things we think about when we think about giving. Very often we do default to thinking about money, or using money to represent the desire to give a gift, to celebrate some person, event, relationship. It’s not a surprise. That can be fun, and significant, and heartfelt, there’s no doubt.  But there are other ways that we give every day.

When we take a few minutes to listen to someone who needs to talk, knowing that we may be late  as a result. The way we use food to show someone we care–making a favorite dinner, or maybe chicken soup for someone who’s sick. Even sometimes the things we do automatically should count, like every day making sure the kids’ lunch bags have something they’ll eat instead of trade away. When we respond genuinely to a rote statement like “Have a good day,” that’s an act of connection, and those small acknowledgments of our shared humanity really do matter.

Money and things can be great gifts, for sure, but so are the gifts of our time, and full attention, and genuine caring.

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